you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
