he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
