The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
