I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
