he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
time to smoke my breakfast
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize