You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
