You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
