totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
