Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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