The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
