dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
