In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
