That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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