Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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