You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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