I cannot find my penis.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize