Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
