hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
