I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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