so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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