I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
