Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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