I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
