I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
