you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
