rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
