Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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