she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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