do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
