I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize