so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
