I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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