I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
