i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
