never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
