I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
