I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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