I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
