I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
