Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
