please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
