I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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