brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
