So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
