Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
