I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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