time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
