no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
