Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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