worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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