Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's rum buckets o'clock
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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