im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
