dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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