ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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