I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
