She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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