True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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