I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
