hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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