This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
