He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
