help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
