I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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