i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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