Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
