i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
