Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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