We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
