I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
